Tag Archives: insecurity

October 29, 1925 (Ina)

Thursday Nite.
Oct. 29, 1925.

My dearest Sweetheart:

Your nice long letter of Sunday A.M. came today and I have read it over and over and then some more. It made me feel awfully good to have you assure me that you do love me as much as ever, and you may rest assured that I enjoyed every minute of the letter. I had already decided, since I wrote you that almost heartbroken letter, that I was really mistaken because yours since then have already contradicted the feeling that kept insisting on taking possession of me. Sweetheart, I don’t believe in nor practice creating a big stir about nothing, but wrote you because I felt that way and wanted to know, and I certainly would want you to do the same way by me if you felt that way. Forgive me for it this time, please, and I’ll promise to try to never do it again any more.

October 29, 1925 (Ina)

October 29, 1925 (Ina)

No, Dear, Miss Hulett did not write a word to me. However had she done it, I would certainly have believed you in preference to her. I will say for her, though, that she is a most perservering young lady. Really, Sweetheart, do you think she loves you as much as she thinks she does? You know, true love is unselfish, and she doesn’t seem to feel that way. Even though I love you better than anyone else on earth, and it would just nearly – Oh, I don’t know what I would do if I should lose you – if I should find that you no longer loved me, I wouldn’t want you to marry me! I would, of course, first find out if it was my fault and if I had done something wrong, I’d do my best to right it, or, if there was a misunderstanding I’d do all in my power to explain it. If, however after all this was done, you still didn’t love me and especially if you loved someone else, I’d pass out of your life so quickly, so thoroughly and so completely that you would never be bothered with me again – nor would my ghost haunt you – no, not even on Hallowe’en! Of course I’m not expecting such an occasion to arise – absolutely no! It hurts to even think of such a thing.

I know, Sweetheart, that some of your letters have been short, but so have mine. I haven’t any room to talk there. I think it was principally because I couldn’t find out anything much about when you were coming or anything, and the indefiniteness of it all made me feel that perhaps you were not as much interested in it as you were at first. We didn’t have any cross words though, and we are not going to, are we?

I had quite a long letter from Mr. McCreless (the young minister) today, and he seems to be very enthusiastic over his work and life in general. He is in Ashbury College at Wilmore, Ky. this session.

I’ve been wondering if you have had to move yet. I hope it will not be necessary since you are so well pleased with your present location. You know, Dear, I really think it is nice that we are not going to move into a home of our own immediately after we are married. Since we are not, we will have a better opportunity to look around and see what we think will be best. Then, after we have decided, I think we will be better satisfied than if we had moved in a permanent home at once. I am not worrying at all about the “running around” that we are expecting to do when we are first married, because I think we will enjoy it (I know I will if you are there), and then we will appreciate a house of our own more when we do get it. No matter where we go, I am sure we are going to be happy.

With a new resolution to avoid all misunderstandings, and with worlds of love, I am,

Always, your
Ina.

October 28, 1925 (Walter)

Oct 28th
Wednesday A.M.

My Dear Sweetheart,

I feel much better since your letter came last night. The day before I did not write for I could not understand, and so I waited. It seems that my short notes made you feel so badly. Last year the same thing happened. I have always had the opinion that a short letter was better than none and when I am rushed I have frequently written short ones. Whenever I have written them to you they have been more harmful to your feelings than no letter at all. I would not hurt your feelings, intentionally, for anything in the world. I love you, Dear, and the short letters were written because I was very busy and because I wanted to write too. I am very sorry that you misunderstood me. Last year when the clinic was under way and when Dr KS kept on the go every minute, one of my letters gave you the wrong impression because it was short. I certainly hope that we will not have such misunderstandings again. When we are together always we will know each other better. I have already learned that your feelings are more sensitive than I had suspected, but back of these you have a big heart, Dear, and there is no doubt in my mind but that you love me. I love you, too, lots and lots, and we are going to get along fine.

October 28, 1925 (Walter)

October 28, 1925 (Walter)

I am enclosing a letter which will interest you, as it concerns Mr. Pettit whom you met at Legion last summer. I had no idea that he was so near the point of getting married. I had thought of asking him to stand with you and I, since he was near and could come more easily than Alvis. Alvis is on the go so much with pipe organ matters that it is difficult to get him. I have not asked him. Perhaps H.J. would be glad to come, since he has no occupation and since he does not get away from Legion very much. What do you think about it? Mr. Parman is a good friend of mine too, and might be glad to stand with us. Let me know what you think.

I’ll make up the list for you real soon, Dear, as it will take a little time to include all that I want on it. It will not be a long one, however, and I would estimate that 50 would be more than I would have. It may be that 25 will be nearer the number. I’ll start the list and keep it a few days, adding names, as I feel that they should be included.

I love you, Dear, with all my heart and I am very sorry that I caused you to feel so blue.

Always your,
Walter.

October 25, 1925 (Walter)

Sunday AM 10/26.*

My Dear Sweetheart,

Your letter of last Sunday which was the third attempt almost knocked me “Coo Coo.” I had no idea that you could have felt that way. I certainly didn’t intend to have you feel that I loved you less. I love you just as much as one could and that is more than I thought I could love anyone. You certainly let your imagination run away with you Dear, and I cannot understand it.

October 25, 1925 (Walter)

October 25, 1925 (Walter)

I want to ask if you received a letter from Miss Hulett in South Dakota. If so, I can understand why you have felt this way. Don’t pay any attention to what she might have said. I kept getting letters from her, sometimes they were sent to my mother, so I wrote her that I was engaged to a Miss Lewis of Uvalde. I did not hear from her again. But she has been writing my mother so much that she might have written you so as to give me another slap in the back. I would not be surprised to know that she had written you telling what a mean individual that I am. I only hope that you will discount what she says if she has written to you. Remember one thing that I was not engaged to her, though both she and her mother felt that I belonged to that family. They are peeved at me now and may try to take an underhand advantage of me. They wouldn’t care if it did hurt you or me. I can’t help but feel that you must have had a letter from her. If so, I hope you will ignore and discount anything they might have told you.

I know that my letters have not been as long as usual but it was not because I did not love you as much as ever. I love you with all my heart, Sweetheart, and I am anxious to have you with me always.

It is mighty easy to have a misunderstanding in writing and I hope that we already know one another so well that we will not let anything come between us. If I could only spend this evening with you I am sure that you woiuld feel that my love is just as strong for you as ever. Believe me, I sure do love you and when I can have you with me always I’ll be mighty happy. I’d feel much better if I could take you to a home of our own and to know that we were going to be there all the time. It looks more favorable now than ever and as well as I can see, it looks as though Jax would be about as good a location for the work as any place. I would have to do some field work down the state but we could go down there together and I believe we would enjoy it for a short period once in a while.

Mrs. Mc has had several people look at her cottage and one of them is coming again Monday morning. $3500 is the consideration with furnishings. I was in hopes that we could live here until March 1st and during that time could locate what we want and get things in shape for our return about June 1st. If she sells the people will want to live here and I’ll have to find another place.

With a real sweet kiss and with all my love, I am,

Yours always,
Walter.

* Right day, wrong date again.

October 23, 1925 (Ina)

Friday Nite
Oct. 23, 1925.

My dearest Walter:

Your letter of Tuesday night came, and it seemed good to receive one from you there again because that seems more like home. I don’t know why it is, but I sort of breathed a sigh of relief when I knew you were back there. No doubt it is because the mail is more regular, and then too I think there is more comfort in thinking of or writing to a person if you know where he is and that your mail will reach him in due time. It seems so indefinite otherwise. For instance, the letters you found at the Beach on your return were almost history by the time you received them and the ones I wrote you and addressed to Caxambas were no doubt a week or more old by the time they were forwarded to the Beach. At any rate, I love you just the same wherever you are, but the nearer you are, the better it suits me.

October 23, 1925 (Ina)

October 23, 1925 (Ina)

Dear, I appreciate your concern about my being so blue and I suppose I should have written you the reason at that time, but I was in hopes that I could soon decide that it was all my imagination. I was afraid I couldn’t explain it so you wouldn’t misunderstand me, so I thought I wouldn’t say anything. However, as you now know, I did write you a letter later, addressing it to you at Caxambas, explaining my feelings. I feel sure now that I was wrong about it, and I beg your pardon, Dear, for thinking it. Your letters sound differently now. Those others were just written hurriedly I’m sure. No, Sweetheart, not for one moment have I regretted our engagement, but I was afraid you had. You have no idea what a relief it is to have the feeling now that you don’t regret it.

I was very much interested in the real estate letter. I am so glad the value of the property is increasing so rapidly, and I sincerely hope it will continue to do so. Won’t it be fine to make that much on the side? I am so glad you bought it when and where you did.

It makes me so happy, Dear to feel that you still love me as much as you ever did. I didn’t realize how very very much I loved you until I thought you might be getting indifferent. Sweetheart, I will be so happy when we can be together all the time. Then there will not be the trouble of misunderstanding letters. You seem so far far away now, and it takes so long to get a reply to a letter. When we are together, if we are uncertain about anything, we can explain it right then, get a reply immediately and then feel satisfied instead of having to wait a week or two to find out. I think it will be great.

I love you worlds and worlds.

Always, your
Ina.

October 20, 1925 (Walter)

This letter was out of order in the set, because Walter wrote “November” instead of “October” on it. I’m back-dating this post to put it where it should have been in the sequence on the blog. Sorry for any inconvenience.

The Beach, Tuesday Nite,
Nov. 20, 1925 (sic)

My Dear Sweetheart,

I arrived here this noon and have been busy re-arranging and unpacking. Mrs. McDonald came back with me. Your letters of the 9th and 10th were here when I returned as I did not have mail forwarded to me from here while I was on the east coast.

October 20, 1925 (Walter)

October 20, 1925 (Walter)

Dear, your letter of the 10th was your blue letter and I can’t help but feel concerned and worried about it. It was quite short and you said that if you could cry yourself to sleep that you would feel all right. Sweetheart, I think you should have told me why you felt so blue for I did not like to have you feel that way and I am worried for fear that I might have done something that caused it. This is the first time you have written to me that you were so blue. Please tell me why? Do you regret your engagement to me? Have I done anything to hurt your feelings? You wrote the letter on the 10th just five months from the time of our engagement. Dear, I love you with all my heart and I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt your feelings for anything in the world. You are the dearest one in the world to me and I can’t help but feel worried. Please tell me! I always tell you and I would feel better if you would tell me.

I am enclosing a letter from the Fulford people regarding the value of the lot. I believe that it will be worth twice as much in the spring.

Please write me at once, Dear, and tell me why you felt so blue. I’ll be worried until I hear from you.

I love you and only you and I want you with all my heart.

With a sweet goodnight,

Your
Walter.

October 19, 1925

Monday Night.
Oct. 19, 1925.

My dearest Sweetheart:

My! but I’m so happy tonight. Your two letters (of Wednesday and Thursday) came this evening just in time to save the day (or me). Honestly, I believe they would have almost had me to bury if I hadn’t heard pretty soon. I have been gazing into that empty post office box for four days, and I was getting desperate. Of course I knew you were on the road a great deal of the time, but I knew at the same time that within four days’ time you could surely find an opportunity to at least drop me a card. It was the longest time I had missed getting a letter since we have become engaged, and, that fact, added to the feelings I expressed in yesterday’s letter, gave my imagination plenty of room to work. So when Papa brought in your two letters this evening I felt thankful enough to shout. And, too, Dear, these didn’t sound a bit like they were prompted by a sense of duty. They “hit the spot” and made me feel so happy. Even the cold wind whistling around the corner of the house doesn’t sound lonesome tonight, and the fire in the fireplace is more cheerful than it has been in nights and nights. Even if a ghost should appear at the window by my side, I verily believe he would brightly smile tonight.

October 19, 1925

October 19, 1925

Sweetheart, I’m delighted with the Fulford report. The increase in value of the property there is far better than I dared hope in such a short time. It was evidently a very wise buy, and I am mighty glad you made it. Yes, indeed, that profit will come in fine when we get ready to purchase or build a home of our own. I am very enthusiastic about your real estate possessions. May their value increase! Your account of the conditions and values there was very interesting and made me realize more than ever the Florida boom.

If it takes this letter as long to reach you as it took yours to reach me, you may get it some day next month.

I love you, Dear, worlds and worlds. I didn’t fully realize how very much until I felt that there might be something wrong. But I am so happy tonight and I love you, love you, love you.

Always your
Ina.

October 18, 1925 (Ina)

Sunday Afternoon.
Oct 18, 1925.

My dearest Walter:

Third time is charm, so you may receive this letter. You may have noticed that you have missed letters for two days, but it was not because I didn’t write – it was because I didn’t mail the ones I wrote. Day before yesterday I wrote, but committed that epistle to the flames. Last night I wrote again, but that one went up in smoke also. I carried it to the post office twice, but couldn’t make up my mind to post it. However, I sincerely hope I can conscientiously send this one.

October 18, 1925 (Ina)

October 18, 1925 (Ina)

Sweetheart, I don’t know how to explain it, but I hope you will understand it just the same and can say that I was entirely wrong, absolutely; that I was perfectly silly for letting such a thing enter my mind, and that I had no grounds whatsoever for doing so. Yes, I do hope that you can conscientiously say every bit of that, and then I’ll be happy once more. The fact of the business is that I have cried myself to sleep several nights lately (and thrown in a few tears during the day), because it seemed to me that as our wedding day drew nearer (forgive me for saying it) you seemed to be losing interest to some extent. Your letters sound different somehow from the ones you wrote a month or two ago – they seem like they are written through a sense of duty or something. Dear, I know you are busy, but surely that couldn’t make you lose interest in – it couldn’t, could it? You do love me just as much as you ever did, don’t you? Please say that all of this is a freak of my imagination, and scold me good – say anything you want to – call me “Mama” or anything – just so I know you love me just the same. Sweetheart, I know you are true to me as far as other girls are concerned, but somehow I couldn’t feel perfectly satisfied about the tiny note of indifference your letters seemed to me to have, until I wrote and asked you.

Forgive me Dear, if I have hurt your feelings, in this letter, because I didn’t mean to do it. I wish you knew how very very much I love you and then maybe you would understand. I love you entirely too much to want to hurt you even the tiniest bit.

Always your loving
Ina.